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my other blog

 I found i really like writing about RPGs. I possibly like it even more than actually running them.
Oh well, except I get to hang out with friends. :)

Blue: Feelings & Dragons

Lately something else triggered another of my downward mood swings. 
Remembering what my loverly A. told me last time i started with the good strategies of the both exogenous (cooking nice food while sipping a way milked down black russian) and endogenous kind (meditation).

Now I sit in a good mood in front of my computer, tummy filled with nice food and two shots of booze (which i drank 2 hours ago), giving some TLC to this blog, that usually gets from me no attention.

Anyway, I feel better. At work it's lately been quite stressful and i've hit a wall on my learning curve. That accounts for most of the bad mood fertile ground. Then a small trigger is enough. It's good that A. keeps on being uppity with me when i have mood swings as it gives me incentives to get better. [1]

The other kind of blues is a blue dragon, as in my D&D players have recently discovered the whereabouts of his den, and they were ready to die like stupid kids because they wanted to put their dirty mitts on his treasure. Will describe more about it at my other even nerdier blog, Lost Papers of Tsojcanth: tsojcanth.wordpress.com/

I've also tried my hand at writing a roguelike... in 7 days. It didn't go well, but i'll keep trying :)

Anyway, ciao everybody. you're great. :)

[1]: Love, please, don't overdo it :) KTHXSMOOCH :)

On Health, London and Snuggles

Well, my back got better thanks to a nice massage by A., which is always eager to do this kind of stuff, I've been to London, where I got enough sex to last me for a while, food poisoning probably due to oysters and salmon fishcakes (by now it's over and i'm quite ravenous and happy again) and new really cool people.

And, yeah, I've walked the south bank from the new MI6 offices to the London Eye, seen what's left of the Banksy exhibition, Brixton, Camden, managed to still not drink any coffee (15 days now, in my humble opinion drugs are supposed to be used to either keep you from having a miserable existence (say, aspirin) or for fun (say, weed (and yes, i should totally pick up a Lisp dialect book one of these days)), not to allow you to fuck up your circadian cycle FOREVER), spent time with A., with some problems between us that got ironed out, after various amounts of talking and listening and being upset and introspection and (me) crying.

And A. is so sweet, and knows I'm a lot of work, and despite that still wants me, and I want her, and I don't want to see her sad anymore because I'm leaving on a jet plane again. Let's see how the planning goes... :)

scary day

This morning I was at work trying to fix some hibiscus+ rose-hip brew when all of a sudden i feel an extreme crushing pain all around my chest, front and back, and, well, it just doesn't go away. Eyewatering. The kind you'd rather not breath. Except you have to.
Trying to breathe better (yay for pain control techniques) just makes everything worse. Thanks to a few helpful colleagues, I reach A&E within minutes. I was panicky already by then, and almost fell to the ground and lost my senses a few times as the mixture of pain and not much oxygen was a bit too much.

After a while i manage to breathe a bit better, pressure went ok-ish, oxygen concentration in blood ok, ECG took a while but ok. After speaking with three medics and them going over my <3 scan a few times I got sent back home as it's just my back being fucked, being told to just rest for the next days, take meds (ibuprofen here costs about 40-50 times as much as in the UK) and do bugger all.

After chilling down a bit I could move without concentrating too much on not swearing when the helpful medics gave me a shot of tora-something ( no, not thorazine :P ) and, well, the pain went away. I could definitely feel some seriously tender areas around my thoracic vertebrae. Yay for pharmacology.

So, I'm home. As i'm kinda stuck here, I might as well get started with some writing.

More gifts

In the mail today there was a package.

And in the package there were the first 7 issues of Fight On! magazine, b'day gift from my D&D players.

And now, in his cozy little flat, in a snowy little valley, there is a bespectacled little man in his warm little bed reading his new Old School Revolution magazines, smiling.

Thank you guys :)

showing the signs of age

Well, first white hair. Daamn.

Errata: after a small chat with an ex-s/o apparently, well, I've had a few for YEARS. First time I notice tho.

Some catching up is in order

Well, it's been a long while since my last post. A blog, for me, is like a new toy you get tired of after a while.
My uber-procrastination l33t skillz furthermore does its best to keep my life still, forever postponing everything that doesn't need to be done NOW, YESTERDAY or LAST MONTH.

Anyway, stale news that used to be breaking the day they actually were new.
  • I passed my honours project :) big yay :) the paper final mark was also 20 points more than the assignments average, but due to the usual strict OU marking schemes, It got a grade 3 instead of 2. I'm still headed towards a upper second class mark :)
  • right now i might or might not have a cervical vertebra misaligned. it irks me some as it's fucking painful, can barely move my right arm and my head/neck without squirming in pain and stop breathing for the usual 10-20 seconds. 30mg of codeine manage to numb it enough to fall asleep last night but when the effect subsided I woke up and could hardly breathe. It's quite annoying I left the electrical pain suppressor on the shelf at the chemist last time it happened. And my favourite nurse is not around to take care of me. Speaking of which...
  • A. was around for 10 days, and it's been BRILLIANT. We also managed to disagree/clash both on some implementation details of a repression "recovery" (pass me the term) strategy and also on something quite personal, but I think we managed to patch up and have a really good time together. Also, we just hanged out without doing anything at all except talk and snuggle and apparently I managed to open up more. I don't really feel it, but i'm happy she appreciates it. Super happy. Growing closer with A. is a terribly nice experience.
  • Looking at a A's face from really close up I realize non-disabled humans have a really poor haptic aesthetic for people, such as appreciate the beauty of somebody by touch, or even just recognizing somebody. As in "we can't really". But yeah, closing your eyes and feel your lover's face with your hands is a quite intense activity (on both sides IMVHO), trying to find something peculiar in the bone structures to match it with the visual image we have of the same person. I failed, but I found out some things I could use to recognize her. One of them she wasn't even aware of herself. This whole train of thought might be possibly a poshly-worded refrain on the old "I'd rather switch off the lights before having sex".
  • Speaking of which, I've gotten more and more photophobic. I really hate bright light, especially if i have to chill out.
  • My "local" relationship sank and I don't know what to do about it. I don't even know if i have to do something about it. S. doesn't seem too eager to even tell me "i'm leaving you". She keeps on her well known passive-aggressive stances, being jealous if i'm seeing female friends but not having enough guts to tell me she wants to see me, but telling me she really likes me and so on. I stopped caring.
  • I turned 30 almost a month ago. Went through a "i wasted my life so far" period except soon realizing I actually didn't. I've been "sustainably happy" ever since. yay for me.
  • For my and Mattia's party I ran a game for 9 players, 5 were my usual group, 2 ex-players and 2 new players. Ran a variant of the "seven samurai" scenario, except the 9 adventurers arrived to the village after all his population got deported/mass executed by a Hobgoblin warlord's horde. Feedback for the game was good, way better than usual for some of my core players. Possibly due to the beers and cokes I had before the game :)
  • Must remember to write a scenery about "hobgoblin pride": hobgoblin empire + fascism + slave-powered economy + occupation + repression. Manage to make it more mature than "a motley crew agains the fantasy nazi evil race empire" would be good. Or also a missed opportunity to write the D&D equivalent of "Inglorious Basterds"
  • the chip on my shoulder suddenly went away. I'm strangely happy and content and, for the first time in years, i don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.
  • Gifts received for b'day+yule are much more than what i'm actually used to. The grand total amounts to:
    • A.
      • a red/black flag. awesome :)
      • a few books on anarchism :)
      • 10 days of her time with me :) :) :)
    • S.
      • a twin coffee pot contraption with two black cups that resemble crumpled paper cups
    • J.
      • a bottle of coffee liquor
    • Dad
      • his "old" imac, with a semi-dead almost-irreplaceable gpu, still working perfectly otherwise (24", 2GHz cpu, 250GB HDD). as mediacenter/webterminal/torrent peer works perfectly fine, and the remote control is the cherry on top. Also, can't run civ4 'cause of the CPU but i managed to fix Alpha Centauri on it :) 
      • i looted a 40 years old fondue kid from my parent's place. fucking stylish if you like '70s interior design :)
      • Gianduja liquor and some random xmasy sweets, and some awesome candied citrus skin iced with dark chocolate
    • Niccolo'
      • a deadtree book :) I still have to read it tho. Knowing him it's gonna be terribly deep and i'll like a lot. 
    • Mattia & other players
      • some OSR RPG books from Lulu that have yet to arrive :(
  • Went to see Ender+V. for hogmanay. Must get back there more often as it's been really good :)
  • This year i managed to lose 15kgs, but to take back 5 after i stopped the really harsh regime of not sleeping enough+work at project till 2 o'clock+eating mostly vegs, with some cheese and pasta.
  • I tried to go vegan but here it's quite problematic as typical vegan staples are a bit rubbish (swiss soy milk sucks balls for example) and local cheeses are awesome, so I decided to go for a mostly vegan, as in eat as less animal produce as possible. It's not because i can't think of having cuddly animals killed because of me, but because mainstream zootechnics is just fucking cruel.
    • I'd have no problems raising hens for myself, trying to give them an existence far from pain and as chicken-happy as possible. Thinking about what they do to chickens make me feel quite bad.
    • And don't get me started about cows, i have relatives in cattle-raising. I visited them. In one word: ick.
I'm not going to do any of those "next year i'll do this and that" as i don't believe in them. I plan to play more games, relax more and manage to write something tho. And finish my degree. And maybe start a master or doctorate :)

Love Language

Take the test if you care ;) The Five Love Languages Your primary love language is probably Physical Touch with a secondary love language being Quality Time. Complete set of results Physical Touch: 9 Quality Time: 6 Words of Affirmation: 6 Acts of Service: 3 Receiving Gifts: 3

Lotus eater

A man falls asleep and dreams he's a butterfly.
But in the dream, the butterfly falls asleep and dreams it's a man.
When he awakes, he's never sure forever afterward if he really is a man, or just a butterfly having a dream.